Permission and affinity
Essentially, permission is an experience of allowing, acceptance, and belonging, between two people or parts of oneself. A subtle questioning—Am I allowed to be who I am?—is answered with permission, which creates and permeates the mutual affinity. One’s feelings shift from uncertainty and hesitation to a sense of belonging, from aloneness to relatedness. Anxiety becomes ease. A circle closes.
A toddler is walking side–by–side with his grandfather in the garden. He stops and looks down at a red-dotted beetle on a plant with huge leaves. He looks up and smiles at his grandfather, who simply kneels and smiles back at him. The grandfather joins in the child’s awe and curiosity without saying anything.
This is permission.
Here, the older and younger person are in a bubble—an intimate space of sharing and caring—looking, concentrating on a red-dotted beetle on a leaf. Because the grandfather doesn’t impose a structure on the experience but allows it to be, permitting the boy to experience his curiosity, awe, and sense of discovery, a deep feeling of connection and belonging develops.
The citation is from my book, 2023:
The Book of Permission, Reflections on art, therapy, education, and being human
More about permission:
Nona, I read this blog article, after having finished my first session in SoulCollage Facilitator training. It was timely and appropriate. We focused on creating the container (or environment) in which important and meaningful creative work can happen. This has a very different “recipe” than planning and maintaining when this space online vs actually being together in the same square inch face to face space. It is something I think about a great deal. We are entering into a new unprecedented way of being together, experiencing quite often being physically distanced (sometimes with oceans between us) and doing intimate work. The ah-ha moment came reading this article about permission. I think it is key to creating a safe space (online and in-person).
I sense your definition of permission is kin to my definition of unconditional invitation. This kind of permission (which many of us are unfamiliar with) has nothing to do with asking a person who is “in control” to grant access or possession of something. It is a reminder that we already have that access or permission to what we need, want, desire, and we are inviting someone to remember that. It is presented with total regard for the “other” individual – yes AFFINITY which can only happen when one feels connection (to each other, to other beings both living and non-living). Thank you for the reminder – this is what we should naturally be! So be it!
Thank you so much, Sasha, for your kindness and thoughts.
Yesterday, I made a leap of faith and sent to the world a few paragraphs from my upcoming book – that I hope will be published within a few months.
As new writing, it is my messenger to the world, and you were there to handle it with care and wisdom. You feel the same even if you use different terms. These are only metaphors for our deep need for affinity in life beyond therapy and education, especially in these troubled times.
I can’t wait to read it!